How Computers Work

by Dave Barry, from "Claw Your Way to The Top (How to become the head of a major corporation in roughly a week)"

The first computers were big clumsy machines that used vacuum tubes. By today's standards, they were extremely primative. For example, they believed the sun was carried across the sky on the back of a giant turtle. But the modern computer is much more sophisticated and far smaller, thanks to a device called the "microchip", which, although it is less than one-thousanth the size of a modern zit, is capable of answering, in a matter of seconds, mathematical questions that would take millions of years for a human being to answer (even longer if he stopped for lunch).

How does the computer do this? Simple. It makes everything up. It knows full well you're not going to waste millions of years checking up on it. So you should never use computers for anything really important, such as balancing your personal checkbook. But they're fine for corporate use.

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Mike Arnautov (23 December 2016)